Do you ever have those moments when something triggers a
memory that physically revolts you. Usually my body reacts with a shiver, or
sometimes I find my posture actually concaving into itself, my face grimacing. The
memories that bring about these reactions are usually ones that I feel
embarrassed about, something I truly regret, and rarely I have that reaction
thinking of something someone else did to me. More cases than not,
it is my own wrong doing that invokes such distaste. My past, like every other
person's in the planet, is not perfect.
If it is a fact that no one is perfect, why is it so
difficult for us to forgive ourselves? Why is it so hard to forgive others?
For me, I think that the difficulty in letting go of the
past started as a defense mechanism. I would remind myself of the hurt and
frustrations of my past relationships in order to avoid any situation that
resembled my past transgressions. Harboring this pain consumed my thoughts and
disallowed me to enjoy the happy life I had right in front of me. The anger
that I still had towards myself also stunted my ability to forgive other
people. Because of this anger, relationships were broken, communications cut
off for a very long time, and despite that separation, the despair still
existed. The most difficult part of the situation was acting like I wasn’t
still battling the demons of my past. The world had kept turning and as much as
I knew I should be moving on too, I still reminded myself daily of the bad
things I had done, while putting on a smiling face and trying to push forward.
It wasn’t until very recently that the burden of
anger/sadness/regret from my past was lifted. What I realized is those
situations and fights years ago that seemed to stop the world as I knew it,
shaped me and molded me and made me rely on Christ more than I ever had
before. I had to work through my
own insecurities to fully embrace 2
Corinthians 5:17 which says,
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come!”
What I had been told so many times but not fully
comprehended was that I am forgiven! Simple as that! Just as I am forgiven, the
friends I held grudges against are also forgiven! Who am I to continue to harbor
ill feelings towards other people when I have done absolutely nothing for
forgiveness? And yet, having done nothing, I am new and forgiven and I
delight in that burden having been lifted! We are all so undeserving, and yet
we are fortunate enough to have a Father that loves unconditionally, even when we do not love ourselves. This fact in
itself is so amazing that I really still have a hard time comprehending the
enormity of it. There is NOTHING we can do that cannot be forgiven!
Do you have any burdens of the past that need to be lifted
to the Lord? Do it! Don’t pull a stubborn Lauren and wait a few years just to
feel better. Do it RIGHT NOW! I promise it is a much happier and healthier way
to live!!
XOXO,
Lauren
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