Thursday, August 29, 2013

My Everyday Cure for the Common Self-Wallowing

Sooo I was really excited to start classes today (nerd alert)! I read all of the 8 million emails sent by professors over the last month, printed out and hole punched all of my syllabi, deep cleaned my room, organized my desk, ironed my skirt, woke up early and showered, ate a decent breakfast and set off for my first day of 3rd/4th year! That was at 9:30 am. By the time I got home at 4:30 I was exhausted and, as Avery helped me define, I was pretty grumpy. I blamed the weather, the back-to-back meetings, and the overwhelming feeling of already being behind on assignments the first day of class. To top it all off, I totally forgot to take a back to school picture with Bo and Sarah this morning and, I’m not going to lie, that made me sad!

After half a bag of popcorn, a wardrobe change, hot tomato soup, and a good old-fashioned quiet time, my head has been cleared of the self-wallowing fog I was in earlier. I had been planning to write on the blog for about two weeks now, and this is the first time since then that I have successfully typed lucid sentences. The amazing thing about God’s timing is that the topic I had chosen to write about two weeks ago, applies more to me today than it did at the time I chose it…

Psalm 32

3When I kept silent,

my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

4For day and night

your hand was heavy on me;

my strength was sapped

as in the heat of summer.

5Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, “I will confess

my transgressions to the Lord.”

And you forgave

the guilt of my sin.

6Therefore let all the faithful pray to you

while you may be found;

surely the rising of the mighty waters

will not reach them.

7You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of deliverance.

I stumbled upon this Psalm during a quiet time I had while on vacation in the mountains. My favorite part about the place we stayed was how quiet our surroundings were. When it was foggy outside and you couldn’t see the neighboring houses, it was as if our house was the only civilization on the whole mountain. In the silent beauty of my environment I was struck by how loud my own thoughts were inside of my head. I was feeling guilty about something and yet it took lots of time to flush out exactly what was the source. Finding this Psalm, I understood that I could constantly feel weighted with guilt with my human sinful nature but that confessing to God lifts the burden of guilt. The Lord wants to protect us from the grief of sin, but we first have to acknowledge the fact that the root of our guilt/frustration/anger is sin that poisons everything around it, including our moods!

I used this train of thought today as my grumpy self trudged around the house. After changing into comfortable clothes, I took a deep breath, sunk down on my bed and prayed. I was first rambling and making excuses as to why I was cranky, but soon enough I was confessing my anxieties and my lack of faith that was weighing me down. I wouldn’t say I was ready to be a social butterfly even after this little quiet time but I was definitely in a much more enjoyable state of mind.

Enough about me, I would love to hear if there are any other passages that you run to during times of turmoil and maybe guilt! Also, since school is starting and I will need some way to justify procrastinating on homework, I will hopefully be posting more consistently! I am thankful for the few people that read this blog!


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